After two cesareans I lost a lot of confidence in my body. Both of my children were breech. I had never really been in active labor before and I had never made it full term. I also found out while pregnant neither one of my uterine incisions had been closed with double layer sutures.(which was a requirement for some care providers for a home birth) It took me almost half of my pregnancy to find a care provider that was supportive of my vba2c. From my very first appointment he was very positive about my chances for a vba2c, and put my mind at ease.

 I still really wanted a home birth and we decided if we made it to 36 weeks we were going to try and stay home, but things didn't work out that way so we were glad we had chosen a care provider already. My birth had interventions I wasn't prepared for, but I did have my vbac and it was the hardest, most rewarding thing I have ever accomplished!

This pregnancy felt so different. This baby chose  to grow in my right horn as I was born with a bicornuate uterus. A bicornuate uterus is a uterine abnormality. My uterus is shaped like a heart, with two horns. A bicornuate uterus is known to cause all sorts of issues and sometimes none at all. Breech presentation is common as well as preterm labor, which I had twice before. Although it is shaped differently then the average person it provided life and sustenance for my little one. Also with lots of positive imagery, stretches, and chiropractic work this baby was head down.That IS amazing and what is even more amazing is that when the time came my body knew how to birth my beautiful child. 

Here is a visual of different types of abnomalities. I have a bicornuate (unicollis). My first two children were in both sides of my uterus, Atticus stayed in one side.

Baby Atticus  born at 34/35 weeks 5.7 lbs 17.5 inches  vba2c !!!

Atticus birth:

I had been having contractions on and off for a few weeks and was trying to do every thing I could to keep them at bay. I took baths every night and tried many other natural treatments as my other children were preterm. I was 32 weeks (we thought) on  Friday Oct. 5th and was contracting. I stopped and got  a special therapeutic salt bath made by a very wonderful and kind person Shell Walker . After picking up the bath salts which smelled heavenly, I stopped and picked my husband up from work. He took care of the kids while I started my bath. It was so wonderful, seriously felt like magic. I took a long bath, contractions spaced out, and I honestly slept the best I ever slept my entire pregnancy. If you are pregnant or even if you are not, you need to try one of her therapeutic baths it was the best thing ever! Contact info above.

My bath salts <3

 Oct 6th:

 I woke up wonderfully refreshed and rested. I made the kids breakfast and noticed I was contracting, not hard but about every ten minutes by 9am. My husband was at work so I tried to just go about my day. 

 1pm I was continuing to contract and I just felt off and thought I should get checked. Since I was still so early we wanted to be safe. In OB triage they gave me an iv and monitored me. I was checked and it was determined I "was not in labor, was barely 1cm with a very thick and high cervix" my contractions were 8 min apart consistently. My fetal fibronectin test was negative( which everyone assured me meant I would not have the baby for at least two weeks!) So not only was I "not in labor" but I also statistically was not having the baby for two weeks.... So.. I was given a prescription for medication to slow my contractions and advised to go home and rest.

  5pm  We stopped to get dinner after leaving the hospital. I could barely sit the contractions were feeling really intense and I was having to breathe through them.

6:30pm Once I got home, I  took another long bath and I think the medication worked a little to spread out my contractions a bit but, when I got out I sat on the toilet and felt something slide out.. I wiped and had lots of bloody show and what looked to me as my mucus plug. I had never experienced that before. I realized I had never really been in labor, not like this. I started getting nervous. I knew what that meant, and knew that labor might be happening. I felt like my cervix was starting to open.

8pm  I talked with my Dr. Who advised me to try and sleep and I probably was having blood from being examined in the hospital. He reminded me of my fetal fibronectin test and its accuracy, and that if I was really in labor things will only intensify and since I wasn't having a cesarean my body was going to do this on its own and I would know if I should come back. I felt like no one believed it was happening and that I shouldn't have left the hospital. I felt like everyone was not very worried that I was preterm having all these contractions, and I was still in denial at this point. I tried to sleep as contractions were intensifying.. I slept a little between contractions, but kept tossing and turning and eventually couldn't lay down any longer so I told my husband maybe I should take another dose of the medication to slow down the contractions, but that really didn't do much.

 3:00 am We called my brother who works nights to see if he would come home early and watch our kids. I still was half in denial but contractions were coming every four minutes so I knew we needed to leave for the hospital. I got back in the bath and my contractions intensified. I got out and I had to stop in the hallway to hold the wall during a contraction, and I knew we should leave. I kept trying to hope that it wasn't really happening, not yet it felt too early.

 4:00am We arrived at the hospital. I was monitored and having contractions about every three minutes. The same resident came and checked me again, and reminded me of the fetal fibronectin test which was 99 percent accurate and I was probably not in labor.. I was at a 5 and 90 percent effaced. So she was like, "I guess you are the one percent the test isn't accurate on, you are in labor!" At this point things started getting fuzzy. People were moving fast trying to stop my labor. I was given so many different things to try and stop my labor, but I knew in my heart things were not stopping. I was feeling really annoyed that no one had believed me until now, they relied so much on one dumb test. 

I had never felt the power and intensity of labor before and once I was at the hospital things got so intense and are hard to remember. I wouldn't describe it as super painful, just intense. I have seen the power of labor take over other women, but to experience it was amazing. They told me if I got to 7cm they were stopping everything and I was going to have the baby. I was so scared. I didn't want to have him early, things were happening so fast. I couldn't get out of bed because we were trying to slow things down. I had to work through the contractions lying in bed, all I wanted was to get up and sway my hips. Soon my wonderful doula Gwen came just in time. She was such a source of calmness and serenity. She helped me stay focused and really helped me cope. I got up a few times to pee and it felt great to be out of bed for a few contractions. My mom was driving from Palm Springs and I kept asking where she was and if she was here yet, I really wanted her there. 

8am It was clear my labor was not slowing I was at a 7, so my magnesium was stopped.

It was so crazy to be in labor. The intensity was more then I ever imagined. I thought I was going to be calm and quiet but I felt like I was pretty loud. Some women say in the hospital they felt like they couldn't really vocalize, but I was, and never felt uncomfortable about it. It was the only way I could cope with the intensity of the contractions. I used the words smooth and open as I had practiced them my whole pregnancy during relaxation to prepare for labor. I kept waiting to go into transition, or feel different, but I never felt like I couldn't do it, I felt really comfortable that I WAS doing it. I remember crying when the NICU Dr explained to me what to expect with a preemie, and I did get pretty upset until another contraction hit. I just told myself I will have to deal with that when it happens, and when he is born. Right now all I could handle was getting through each contraction. I do also remember getting a hiccup gaggy feeling and wondering if I might be in transition.

Finally, around 9:30 or 10 my mom arrived and I was a 9.  The timing is hard to get right, but this is right around the time my membranes ruptured after/during a vaginal exam. They gave me a peanut ball to use to help the baby's position and man those contractions were the most intense. I could only handle like three or four but that was just enough because soon after I was almost complete, and during a contraction the Dr. held back a little cervix that was left and I felt my whole body start to push. They transferred me to the OR at this point for delivery.

I was unaware that I was going to have to deliver in the OR. They said I could only have one support person so my husband stayed with me. At this point I was really unable to talk or make decisions but now I wish I would have had my mom and doula stay with me. Once I got into the OR I had to transfer to a tiny surgical bed. With each contraction everyone started yelling at me to push. I was worried something was wrong and I pushed so hard my blood vessesl in my face all burst. My husband was so strong and told me to open my eyes, he kept me so calm and told me to listen to my body. I remember getting frustrated that everyone was yelling at me and I felt like nothing was happening and realized I was flat on my back so I yelled back, "I can't push on my back, women can't push babies out on their back!!" My husband and the nurse raised the back of the bed up and that helped me so much. At this point I remember thinking, I get it now.. I get why women get all kinds of drugs in the hospital, because this feels so weird and actually really scary.  At one point I remember a moment where I felt out of my body looking in. My body took over and was in control, it was amazing and powerful.  Atticus was posterior and had a nuchal hand as he crowned. He always keeps that hand up even now! I pushed for 20-30 min. He had 8 and 8 APGARS and they realized  he was way bigger then they expected. He was breathing pretty well and looked more like a 35-36 weeker then a 32 week old baby much to our relief. We didn't know what we were having so when my husband told me it was a boy, it was such a special moment! I did it!!! That's all I kept saying! I always imagined crying at the moment of his birth, but I was surprised I didn't. I just felt the best relief feeling and it just felt so amazing to have him out. Atticus had to go to the NICU for monitoring but I got to hold him for a bit and it was so amazing. He smelled so good, and I was the first one to hold him and kiss him. I was so proud of him too for coming out so healthy! Sadly, we lost the pictures and video of him right after birth. I was am still so upset about it. I can't share with you those pictures, but it was a wonderful moment.

Atticus with his poor little swollen arm from getting squished during crowing.

Getting to visit Atticus the first time after birth. My face looked a little better at this point, but still zombieish from broken blood vessels.

He still keeps that hand up!

I could get into every intervention I had done to me or Atticus with or without my full consent, but honestly I still can't say what was or wasn't medically necessary. They believed my baby was very preterm and were very worried during my whole labor. I think it was more how things were done and the matter they were said that I sometimes feel upset about. I don't know how things might have been different had I gone full term. I have to believe in my heart they were trying to do the best to help me and my baby.  I try not to focus on what I consider some negative/traumatic parts of my birth story so I have chosen to leave them out.  I think that having a baby preterm is frightening for everyone, and I really feel blessed that I had the best outcome possible and the baby was for the most part very healthy. I believe my body knew what it was doing. The wisdom it had was greater then anyone. To finally experience that was so amazing! I had my vbac! Did I get my quiet low intervention home birth I imagined? No... My birth was wild, intense, scary, and at the same time ended up being really empowering to feel my body birth my son.

It was amazing to feel so great right after birth as well. I was so happy and proud to have had my vba2c!! Baby Atticus transitioned well but then did spend some time in the NICU but is doing so great! He is such a miracle and such a blessing to our whole family.  My husband was so awesome and so supportive of me. He knew how important it was for me to have a vbac and he stood by me through everything. I heard a lot of no's when I was trying to find a care provider, but I was determined and found a wonderful support team with my husband, doula, and mother. 

Atticus